Return of the Blog

I apologize for the length of this post, but I want to bring you up to speed.

Here I am...Easter weekend, 6 years after my initial surgery, preparing for the next step in this journey, another brain surgery on April 16th. As you may know, almost 3 years after my initial surgery, I completed a year of chemotherapy to slow the continued growth of the tumor left behind after my April 9, 2009 surgery. The growth was causing multiple sensory seizures each month. Much to the dismay of my neurologist, no amount of medication was controlling the seizures, even a cocktail of three different ones. After one month of chemo, the seizures slowed and soon stopped altogether for 8 months after the chemo. Let's get real about chemo for a moment...the stuff SUCKED!!! Although my oncologist said 95% of people handle this kind very well, I was not in that percentage. The weeks on treatment were horrible and I didn't think I would get through all 12 cycles but I DID IT!!! My celebration after taking the final dose was taking the empty bottles outside and smashing them to smithereens (the table they were on too)!!! Tears were definitely involved! The next MRI showed significant shrinkage of the tumor, which was unexpected. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the 12 month seizure-free point where the neurologist would start lowering my meds. That was a huge blow... Over time, the seizures which were now limited to just the left side of my face were increasing in frequency and for the first time ever, waking me up at night. Another new drug added to the many I was already taking did nothing for the seizures, but made me exhausted,sleeping almost daily for hours at a time.


This past September, less that 2 years after completing chemo, my MRI scan showed tumor growth. My oncologist, Dr. Nolan, recommended chemo again and possibly radiation. I told him I was not ready and he agreed to wait, ordering another scan 6 weeks later. Then another 6 weeks after that. Both showed no new growth on the growth. So we waited... This March, my MRI showed more tumor growth and I knew the chemo/radiation discussion would begin again. Dr. Nolan asked me what I would like to do. I answered, "neither". He agreed to hold off on radiation at my request, sent an email to the neurosurgeon (an unlikely possibility) and planned to move forward with chemo. Much to my surprise, Dr. Gutin agreed to a consult the following week. Let me be clear, I idolize Dr. Gutin. He is a renowned surgeon and the most caring, compassionate, and positive doctor I have ever been around. His sense of humor is calming and encouraging. Dr. Gutin is my superhero...truly an angel on earth. As strange as it may sound, I would much prefer surgery to any other treatment. Although the recovery from my first surgery was very difficult, there is something psychologically calming about removing something that does not belong in my body. Unfortunately, there is no way to remove the entire tumor because it is attached to my motor cortex, but surgery remains the best option for me. Sue and I met with Dr. Gutin and he agreed that surgery is appropriate, showing us the most recent MRI scan and describing his plan of attack. You can see white mass of tumor in the scan of my brain on the left side of the photo above. We discussed dates, ultimately scheduling April 16th with 6 months of chemo to follow...

So this is where we are right now...I anxiously await, trying to get as much planned and completed at work as possible. And most importantly, get my children, Maggie (12) and Thomas (8 on the Sunday I am in the hospital) ready for this challenging period. That's the toughest part...

I am so positive and ready to move ahead. This time around is so different....I am so different. I am stronger mentally and physically and I know what to expect, and I am not afraid.

More to come....