3 Months Later...

This very moment 3 months ago, I was laying in my hospital bed in the intensive care/recovery area of Sloan-Kettering Hospital in Manhattan. I had bandages covering most of my head, IV attached, catheter, and God knows what else I was hooked up to. I was not allowed to eat solid food and visitors could only come in for a short amount of time. I had little or no feeling in my left arm, hand and the left side of my face. An amazing surgeon and his very skilled team had just hours before opened my head and skull and removed 95% of a 7 centimeter tumor that had been growing in the frontal lobe of my brain for at least 10 years.

As I think about these past three months...so much has happened. It seems like years have gone by since first finding out that I had this little issue! I think of all of the assistance I needed getting out of bed, showering, getting dressed and many other every day routines. I recall those horrible headaches in the first couple of days post surgery that I thought would never subside. I remember having big sister, Laurie, here to help me recover. I remember the terrible days of feeling "impending doom" as Dr. Carlson calls it. The feeling that at any moment you are going to die from any number of imagined ailments.....blood clots, pneumonia, heart attack, seizures, cancer, etc. The two trips to Mather Hospital are days I would rather forget. Not to mention the debilitating days of anxiety and depression.

But, I also remember all of the amazing things that happened along the way. My amazing wife, who has taken the vow, in sickness and in health to heart and has been there for my every need. The amazing support from friends, family and people I didn't even know. The cards, letters, gifts, visits, prayers from around the world. These small gestures are what got me started on the road to recovery. It helped me to feel cared about, valued, loved and that I had an impact already on this world and that I had more work to do. In a short amount of time, I was able to go back to work and get my students ready for their concerts. I was able to march in the Memorial Day Parade and returned to work full time before the end of the school year. All of these small steps that I have made has added up to tonight. Tonight I completed a 3 mile walk/run as well as abdominal exercises which is the exact routine I had been doing prior to the surgery. I am back to doing all of the things I had done before: Mowing the lawns, cleaning the house, playing with and enjoying my children. Loud noises and intense activity in the house no longer sends me over the edge looking for a closet to hide in. I have taken my life back and almost every day is a step forward.

I still live every day knowing that I have a brain tumor and there is a lot of uncertainty about the future. How will it grow back, how quickly and will I need more surgery? Will I need chemo or radiation? Will the cells change from benign to cancerous? But as my wife recently reminded me, we all live with uncertainty in our life. Anyone of us can have a life changing event at any time, but most of us don't lie awake at night worrying about it. I have made great strides in returning to that mindset of living my life and not letting the events of the past 3 months define me in negative ways. I will however use this experience to help others in some way.

We recently retuned from a trip to Fredonia and Rochester, NY. In Fredonia, I was able to attend my niece's High School graduation. Although the trip was tiring, I was proud that I could be there with my family to celebrate this great accomplishment. In Rochester, we visited Sue's family. It was great to spend time with everyone. I was concerned that seeing everyone would be overwhelming as many of them had not seen me since before the surgery. Instead, everyone just focused on how happy they were to see me rather than focusing on the details.

There are still bad days, however they seem to be few and far between. I'm looking forward to a fun and restful summer and I will continue to become more active in everyday life. On the 31st, Sue and I celebrate 10 years of marriage and although I kid with her about the coincedince that the tumor also started 10 years ago, I wouldn't have come this far without here love, support and shoulder to cry on. I hope the next 10 years are a little less exciting! Happy Anniversary and I hope you like your present!