A plan is Set.

The plan was for my parents to drive us to Manhattan for our appointment at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center and then hopefully running to Rockville Center for a third neurosurgeon opinion. That morning, we dropped Thomas at my sister Jacqui's house. She would also pick Maggie up at school and watch them until we were back. When we arrived at my parent's house, my father gave me a very special gift. It was a set of rosary beads that were my grandfather's. I was quite moved and held back the tears. We had a nice car ride. As we got closer to Manhattan, I got more and more anxious. Walking into Sloan-Kettering was sobering. Hundreds of people waiting to register, waiting in the different waiting areas, people who have obviously been treated. As I waited for the registration process, I felt so sick. I didn't like this place. I didn't like what it meant and I didn't like the reasons why people were there and I was allowing the dark clouds to take control again. When we were called in for registration, it was all I could do not to break down into tears. We were directed to the seventh floor to a suite that was filled with people waiting to be seen. We were to be Dr. Gutin's first case of the day. Although we were early, it wasn't long before we were called in. Se and I went in. My parents really wanted to be part of the consultation, but we read and expected that there would be a physical exam first. Dr. Gutin's nurse, patsey, was very kind and advised us to have my parents come in. Patsey asked me to tell her everything that is going on. he questioned me in depth on some items. She has quite a way of comforting the patient using humor and kindness. Dr. Gutin soon came in and introduced himself. Instead of the traditional set-up of patient sitting on an exam table an doctor sitting on a stool or chair, Dr. Gutin pulled a chair up directly in front of me so that we were essentially knees to knees and face to face. He asked me several of the same questions on what my symptoms were and it was hard to talk without crying. He did a lot of the same neurological tests that the other doctor did as well. Dr. Gutin then told us what he saw on the MRI pictures. He said I have a glioma. It is one of a few types and most likely benign. It has probably been there at least ten years and has obviously grown rapidly as of late which means it is considered malignant. He said that it is large and needs to come out soon. Basically the surgery would entail taking out as much of the tumor as possible and mapping my brain which means I would be somewhat alert so that they can ask me questions while they operate so they can stay away from dangerous areas. There is an MRI machine in the operating room and they use it during the surgery to help them. Depending how much they can't get, I may need some radiation or mild chemotherapy afterward. At one point during the meeting, Dr. Gutin had stood up and he put his hand on my back and shoulder and I immediately felt a sense of relief...that everything was going to be ok. While the doctor was still in he room, I announced to everyone that this was where I wanted to be treated even though we had another neuro-surgeon to see later that day. I told Sue to cancel the appointment..."I'm done". After Dr. Gutin and his nurse left the room, I was overcome by emotion...it was kind of a release of all of the tension that had been building. It felt good to have a plan and light at the end of the tunnel. Following the appointment I had to head to another building several b locks away to do some pre-surgical testing. On the way, we stopped for lunch.....it was one of the first meals I had eaten since saturday morning. My mood had lightened significantly. While in the pre-surgical testing, Mom and Sue went up to the gift shop and pick up a bunch of the yellow LiveStrong bracelets. When I tried to get it over my big hands it snapped.....what a bad omen I thought....my mood was light enough to joke around. Sue was on the phone with several friends and family members describing what had occurred. At one point she talked about the brain mapping that would be done on me. I told her..don't worry, it won't be a very big map and it will have a lot of dead ends! Thank God for the gift of humor!