I Love Drama!...Not!

Remember when you were a student and you would learn a new vocabulary word and then that next week or so you would either find that new word in a book or hear it on television. "Why all of a sudden am I hearing this word. Where was this word before this week when I learned it"? Did it exist and I just wasn't paying attention to it?

This is kind of how it's been with me these past several weeks. Now of course, I know what cancer is and I am very aware of death and dying, but it seems like all I read about, see on television and hear about in real life is cancer. I also realize, that I don't have cancer, but I did have a cancer scare. On television, I can't seem to get away from the commercials for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America or the stories on the news of celebrities who are battling cancer. This week it was golfer, Phil Mickelson's wife, who was diagnosed and farrah fawcett who has been suffering. There is a perfectly good television show, Grey's Anatomy, that I can't watch anymore because the story line has been about a main character who is dying from a cancerous brain tumor. In real life, it seems like I keep hearing about people we know who are being diagnosed with cancer and other very serious conditions. Why does it seem like the frequency of this has increased recently? Maybe it's not increasing, but I'm just very sensitive to it now.

Dr. Gutin's nurse, Patsy had warned us that there would be good days and bad days for us in the coming weeks and months and suggested that we try not to have bad days at the same time. To this point, I didn't think I had really had any bad days. There were days following the surgery when I was dealing with the effects of anesthesia, and steroids, but overall I was just happy to be alive. Well, it finally hit me this week. It was probably a combination of working more and being more active which has made me more tired and I've also been dealing with some issues with anxiety. Much of which has to do with what I wrote about earlier in this posting. Even driving has been tough at times and on certain roads. I worry mostly about other drivers who might do something stupid that would cause an accident. I worry about other family members who are driving and what could happen to them.

It's the anxiety that caused some drama when it landed me back in the er on Wednesday night. The ache I have had in my chest and the evening changes in breathing was enough for my oncologist to suggest I go to the er. I initially refused, not wanting to further disrupt my family and my routine. I also hate the thought of spending 8 hours in the hospital for them to tell me that I'm fine. Well, it ended up being 20 hours and I'm glad I went because they were able to tell me I was fine. The reassurance from the x-ray, Cat scan and stress test that were all negative was able to help me focus my energy on reducing my anxiety rather than worrying about what else might be wrong with me. We were able to tell a white lie to Maggie so that she wouldn't be further distressed and that worked like a charm.

Earlier in the week, my family doctor had suggested and prescribed some medication to help with the anxiety as well as some counseling to give me some tools to deal with the anxiety. Initially I was resistant, but I think trying this for a short amount of time might be beneficial and get me over the hump. So, that's it...no more drama from me...I'm done!

Happy memorial day! Please take some time to remember those who have given their life to protect us and our freedoms in this country. Remember their families who have suffered in pain from the loss. Never take for granted how wonderful our lives are in this country because of their sacrifice.