Next we went up to the MRI department. As I said before, the fourth one in the past week and a half. This one would be different because they would be asking me to do several tasks at specific times during the test. First they had me wiggling my fingers so they could map where in my brain the signals are coming from. Next they had me thinking of as many words that started with the letter that they told me. Again, this was to map out where these signals were coming from. Apparently, I had a hard time with the letter F, because they told me they weren't getting a good signal. Maybe it was because I was thinking of curse words and wondering if they knew what words I was thinking of!! The last one was to move my tongue around behind my teeth.
After that part was over, they told me that they would finish the scan and I would be done. I didn't realize how long this would take. After a while, the panic started to set in. I did the best I could to control it, but I finally had to reach down and push the button that would call them. When they answered I told them that I needed to get out of the machine. They stopped the test and brought me out. The problem is that they put this metal cage right over your face and it actually hits my big italian nose! I can't stand that feeling of being closed in.
I have always had issues with claustrophobia. Small spaces where I can't see an exit..or there is no path to it is a problem. I recall a time in college very clearly. It was August before my Sophomore Year at SUNY Potsdam. I was selected to be a Resident Assistant and we had to report to school early for training. In fact, this is where Sue and I met. We were on the same staff of RA's. There were about 15 of us on staff and one day we were taking a tour of our 6 story building. I was one of the first to get on the elevator that would take us to the 6th floor. Someone had the great idea to pile the entire staff into the elevator as a kind of team-building exercise. As the elevator climbed, it became clear that the weight was too much for it to handle and it got stuck. I immediately closed my eyes and tried to breathe slowly. As the time passed while we were waiting for someone to come and help us, it became warmer and warmer in the elevator. At one point, I opened my eyes and saw that the walls were dripping condensation and that nearly sent me over the edge. Luckily, help came and got us out of the elevator and I had a mini panic attack. As I recall, my new friend, Sue comforted me....fast forward about 15 years and she's still doing the same thing!
Anyway, that's what this thing feels like. So the technician took the cage off of me and confirmed that I wouldn't be able to continue. Another tech came in and said I really needed to finish and that it would only be another 5-7 minutes. I dreaded having to go back in. I also needed to use the bathroom which was a good thing. They let me get up and walking helped me calm myself down. I used the bathroom and went back in the room. They assured me that it would be over quick and I got back in. I survived the test which was about 90 minutes long...it is torture that no one should have to endure.
We headed home, stopped at our church for a special blessing from our pastor and arrived home to spend the evening with the kids.
We leave the house tomorrow at about 4:30am and the surgery is scheduled for 7. It should be about 4 hours long. We'll do our best to get the info. out to as many of you as possible. I look forward to blogging again in the next few days. Thanks again for all of the prayers and support. You'll never know how much it means.
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