Losing control.

In late February into March I experienced an increase in the drooling. Sue and I both noticed that at nearly every meal or snack, I would end up with food on the left side of my mouth that I did not know was there. It seemed like, speaking was getting more challenging as well. I also encountered a problem with swallowing. When drinking a glass of water at dinner for example, I would often choke on it. Everyone from time to time will drink too fast and inhale some water or food and choke, but this became an almost daily occurance. I also took note that when I would get a mouth full of water/soda, etc. I would have to think about what to do with it. It wasn't a simple routine of putting the drink in my mouth and swallowing. It was like I had to have a conversation with my brain about what to do with the drink next...and then swallow. I then noticed that my endurance was non-existent. Sue noticed that when I smiled, the left side of my mouth wasn't lifting like the right side. I would get home from work on a Friday afternoon and by 6pm, I was so tired I couldn't see straight. I would often fall asleep for a short period of time. It was time to come out of denial and address all of this again. One night while on the treadmill, I was thinking about all of the strange symptoms and wondering what if anything was wrong with me and what I should do. I then started to think about some possibilities and one of the thoughts almost caused me to fall of the treadmill. In fact, I had to stop running and walk it off. The thought was that I had ALS or Lou Gherigs disease which is a terrible degenerative nerve disease where you eventually can't walk, talk, eat, breathe on your own. It is said that your brain still functions, in terms of your thoughts and feelings, but the rest of you is nearly paralyzed and eventually ends in death. It is debilitating for the patient and the care-givers alike. I was so upset about this posssibility....the nerve damage in my face, the swallowing issues, the weakness...this was it. This was not the way I wanted my kids to grow-up...seeing their father deteriorate and die a horrible death. After calming myself down, I knew that it was time to come out of denial and attack this head on.